What am I right now ?

Other than out of my element. I'm a part of management here at Adidas (currently on my lunch), I am a student aspiring to go to UCLA to study economics, hoping to instead become a pharamaceuticologist. That kind of throws me off. I was so sure I wanted to do accounting, but I fucking hate economics. It is so boring. And I'm still not sure of how to even start my personal statement to apply. Wow. I'm a lot farther off the tracks than I led myself to believe.
I have that problem sometimes: I'm overly confident. Is that even so? Am I really that sure of myself? Rarely to never. I just like to make it seem that I am, and I tend to buy into it myself. I'm just that good at convincing others, I confuse others with myself. How does that work? I'm such a patron of not caring about what others think. Do I exude this aura for them or do I do it because I like it all on my own? Possibly a bit of both. After all, why would one carry themself with such pride if there wasn't anyone around to envy it? Think about it. If we were alone all the time, we'd be such humble creatures. I mean, not even humble, but... what is the word. We just wouldn't care. There would be no means for comparison. You can't make a shark or an albatross want to be you, a human being. But because this world is so vastly populated with us humans and so diverse, we strive to stick out.
God, that wasn't even the topic I wanted to write about. I'm fucking anxious as hell right now and I don't know why. My life is changing at a ridiculous rate that I don't even want to acknowledge. But I need to start cracking the whip and directing it because otherwise, where the fuck am I going if I'm not the one in the lead? Oh, God. Speaking of God, I need to get in touch with him. Say thank you. Ask him for a little guidance. We all need it every now and then. I trust Him, anyway, with wherever this is going. That quote, "God will never give you anything you can't handle." But I just want to get a peek at what I'm about to rage with. Thanks for listening.
Amanda